Even with the break, I'm still stumped. I've been a mix of thoughts all week long, and I'm still not making much sense of the mess in my head. I've been pensive and thoughtful and uneasy all week, and I'm having a hard time putting the exact words to how I'm feeling. There are no neatly-tied together blog posts or profound thoughts working there way out of my head right now.
The word I keep coming back to this week is dependence. One of my words for the year, I've desired and prayed for opportunities to grow in dependence. I want to be wholly, unreservedly dependent on Jesus. But you know, God doesn't just give us those things, does He? Why did I ask for dependence thinking that it would come to be a part of me without any effort? Instead of granting me a spirit of dependence, I feel like God's putting me in situations, over and over and over again, that require me to give up my control and lean into Him.
That's where I am this week. Perplexed. Unsure. Uneasy. Confused. Lost in thought. Not myself. Without answers. Asking questions. Challenged to surrender and depend. When we do the hard work of surrendering our fears and worries and anxieties and hurts, God gives us rest and green pastures. He refreshes us with His promises.
The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. [Psalm 23]
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