I like looking at the trajectory of my life in one-year spans. It makes sense for the way I process and think about things. Along with new beginnings, I feel like we're consistently given natural one-year marks to evaluate and examine our lives. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, the start of school and the end of school; all of these are natural situations where I can sit down and think about life in that year. On my birthday I can think back to the year before and reflect on how I've grown. The same goes at the start and end of the school year. The same is true of this day.
I feel like this fall, I have lots of reasons to be reflecting and examining and also celebrating the past year. Not only does today mark the one year anniversary of my involvement with Young Life, but it's also (roughly) the three-year anniversary of the start of my journey with Christ. Both of these things are cause for celebration. Huge celebration. Dance party and cupcake eating celebrations. There might be a post coming later in the month about life in the past three years, but for now, I want to focus on life in the past year.
I don't know how I've done it. Honestly. Yesterday my friend Ben reminded me that today marks my one year anniversary of Young Life, and that astounds me. I don't know how or when that happened. I don't know when I started feeling comfortable in this role or when I started really seeing it as a calling for this time in my life. I don't know how it's been one year.
I could write for a decent amount of time about why this year has been so influential and so transformative and so valuable for my story, but I don't have enough hours in the day to do that. Truly, the only thing worth sharing and celebrating is that none of my getting through this past year has come from me. My own strength and control have done absolutely nothing for me. Instead, I have seen God intervene in tangible, obvious, big, unexpected, and perfectly orchestrated ways. Isn't that just like God? To come in at unexpected times and in unexpected ways and show us His might, His power, and His grace?
I'm not going to go into the details of the past year, don't get me wrong, I want to share them ... but the blogosphere doesn't seem like the right place. The only thing I really want to share is that this year has not been my own. I am not sitting here, thinking about club later tonight and the year ahead on my own accord. If it were up to me, I would have been out months ago. I probably would have quit leading the day after I started. I'm serious. Leading Young Life has been hard, challenging, and difficult. I've been weary, broken down, and frustrated at so many points in the past year.
The only thing that has propelled me forward this year is knowing that it's not me in control. Not my words. Not my dance moves. Not my club talk. Not my campaigners lesson. Not my control. Not my strength. Not my doing. Not my mission. Not my glory. I'm merely the messenger, but I'm not the One with the message to tell.
That's where I'm sitting today. I want to celebrate and praise God for the work He's done in my heart and in my life in the past year. I want to praise Him for Young Life on the North Shore and all the ways it's been so powerful and transformative. And above anything else, I want to recognize that this year has only been possible by His strength. He's so much bigger, so much more powerful, and so much more mighty than anything inside of me.
I read this quote earlier today and it just seems so fitting. I've read it over multiple times already. I could write an entire blog-post around this quote.
"Maturity in Christ has more to do with understanding the depths of God's grace and forgiveness. Maturity in Christ is about consistent pursuit in spite of the attacks and setbacks. Maturity in Christ is not about finally attaining some level of pseudo-perfection. It's about remaining in the arms of God. Abiding and staying, even in my weakness, even in my failure." -Angela Thomas, Do You Think I'm Beautiful?
I love it because it makes me think that maybe I've got it more figured out than I give myself credit for. Maybe I am actually doing something right. Maybe I know more about life and life with God than I ever let myself believe. Maybe the only thing we can do is sit in His arm and give Him control. I don't know, I obviously don't have all the answers. I just know that for the past year and for today and for the next year (wherever that takes me), I want to stay in His arms. That's really the only place where life seems to make sense.
(Apologies if you've read through this whole post and there are spelling or grammar errors, run-on sentences, or confusing paragraphs. I usually read through my posts two, three, and sometimes four times before I post them. But it's now 12:45, and I'm just flat out not paying attention in class, so no proof-reading for this girl. Also, at 16% battery. Check plus.)
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