new beginnings.

I just finished my last first week of school, as a student anyway. A year from now, I’ll be in the midst of transition and change – saying goodbye to the comfort of college and hello to the stark, cold walls of a freshly painted classroom. For now I’m standing in my Old Navy flip flops, ready to take on my final year of college in the comfort and familiarity of life as I’ve come to know it at Loyola. The sounds, smells, and rhythms of school are all around me – the el passing by every few minutes, new school supplies and packed lunches, and the well-known repetition of the snooze on my alarm clock.

I’m coming to realize that in life, we’re always given new beginnings. We’re presented with opportunities, experiences, and transitions that bring us change and new life. And although I’m not quite at the next new beginning – college ending and transitioning friends, jobs, and locations – I’m starting to see this school year as a new beginning in itself. A new beginning of running, a renewed mission at Bethesda, a fresh start in Young Life leadership, and a rejuvenated spirit toward teaching. In so many ways, this year is an ending – an ending of four years of hard work and celebration of all the ways life has changed and God has revealed His goodness. But in so many other ways, I’m starting to look at this year as a beginning, too; the beginning of the end of college, a chance to celebrate in the midst of the mundane, the beginning of new challenges and new lessons, and the beginning of new growth.

Maybe it’s the slight change in weather, routine and schedule, or the recent posts I’ve made about lifestyles and words … but writing about new beginnings makes sense. It’s where my heart and my head are focused. When I think about the year coming up – I get excited and nervous and happy and scared and hopeful and weary and a million other things all at once, and I’m so ready for it. I'm ready to celebrate the little moments just as much as the big moments. I'm ready to reflect on the past four years and they ways God's shown up and transformed me. I'm ready to take what I've learned this summer and go with it. I'm ready for the very good times and the very hard times. Ready for anything and everything. I'm just ready. Bring it, life.

That being said, I’ve been thinking a lot this week about words that I want to see lived out in the next school year. There are four words that I’ve been praying on and hoping for in 2011, and adding these new words to that list makes sense. My list of words inevitably keeps growing, but that's okay with me, because these words become my life and my story. And I feel great about that.

The word I want to be praying on and seeing lived out the most is balance. It makes me the most nervous. Everyone I know is busy. Everyone is involved in 5200 different clubs, activities, and ministries. Every single one of my roommates is up at 7 in the morning and running around all day long. As college students, we're busy. Fact of life. And I want to find balance in that. I want to believe in, rest in, and sit in the peace that everything I do is a part of my life, but not my whole life. School, running, Young Life, Bethesda, friends, blogging, reading, cooking ... they are all a part of my life, but not one of those things is my entire life. Together, yes, they consume a large amount of my time, but they do not define who I am. Who I am belongs to Jesus, and my identity is first and foremost found in that. I want to hold fast to the truth that I am His, and everything that I do in my life He has gifted to me. My ability to run comes from Him, my capabilities as a Young Life leader are possible only by His strength, my ability to take control of a classroom is a gift from Him, the ability I have to read a book comes from Him. Ultimately, I want to be aware of and rest in that truth this year - that I am His, and everything I do is His. I have faith that if I surrender my time, my enery, and my talents to Him, He'll use me however He wants to. And isn't that what it's all about, anyway? Stewarding our talents to give Him glory? Shouldn't everything we do be glorifying Him? That's what I want this year. I want everything I do to be for Him, and I think that's when I'll find true balance. 

In the past few weeks, I've realized that I feel the most alive when I create something. Whether it's art on a canvas or a meal in the kitchen or a new outfit out of seemingly boring clothes in my closet. I love to create. Creating something where there used to be nothing is entirely life-giving for me. For a lot of reasons, I think God created us to be creators. He is the Ultimate Creator, and we were created in His image. Therefore, we're made to create. Making sense? I imagine it gives God such delight when we create things, when we're using our hands and making new life and using our talents in the process. This year, I'll be praying for the freedom to create; however that looks. I can create on the potter's wheel in class, or in the kitchen for my roommates, or in so many other areas of my life as well. I want to create marvelous from the mundane, new from old, and something out of nothing, because isn't that what God does with each of us? 

The last word that I'm adding to my prayer list for this school year is uncomfortable. I want to be uncomfortable; in my thinking, in my relationships, and in my everyday life. I want to be tested and challenged and pushed out of my box of comfort. I don't want my life to be easy and I don't want to be stuck in my thinking. Ever. I don't want to feel content. With every experience, I desire to be pushed and stretched and grown into someone who depends on and trusts in God's character more wholly and completely. And I don't think there's a way to grow by being comfortable. If there is, let me know. But as far as I know, becoming involves being made uncomfortable. And I want that. I want to know God more and fall in love with His goodness and grace and mercy and might more and more and more everyday. And if I need to be uncomfortable to do that, then so be it. It's absolutely worth it. So life, push me out of my comfort zone, because then I'll be challenged to sit at the foot of the cross and rely on my Savior for strength. And there's no place I'd rather be than fully aware of my inability and His divine ability.

Balance. Create. Uncomfortable. That's my life as I'm sitting and staring this new school year in the face. It's my new beginning. What's yours?