unknown.

Today marks the first official day of winter break for me. Long gone are the days of 5:30 a.m. wake-ups, reflection papers, and days with to-do lists too long to complete. For a little while, anyway. I have just over four weeks until I start student teaching. No doubt these next weeks will be filled with reading, drinking copious amounts of tea, spending time with family, and starting to piece together what 2012 will look like. There are so many unknowns about the next year, just about everything come to think of it. Everything from where I'll be living to how I'll be spending my days and who I'll be spending them with is unknown. This brings a wave of emotion over me, ranging from fear to excitement to denial to downright terrified.

Earlier today, as I was driving home from a meeting that got me thinking about what these next months will look like, my mind was swirling with thoughts of the unknown. Where am I really being called? Is what I'm about to do really where God wants to use me? Can I even handle all of this? How can I possibly handle all of the transition that is coming in the next months? Where is God's voice in it? Is everything going to work out? 

As I was thinking and driving, my mind was hungry for scripture that would bring peace to the fears of the unknown. When I got home, I opened up my Bible to Luke 1:26-38, when the angel Gabriel came to Mary with the message that she was having a son, and she would name him Jesus. Israel's Messiah. Her child would be great in the sight of God, and called the “son of the Most High” (v. 32). He would reign forever on the throne of his father David (v. 32-33).

In those moments after hearing such great news, I can't imagine what Mary was thinking. Was she afraid? Terrified? Excited? Shocked? She was looking ahead at something entirely unknown, certainly not what she had planned for her life. She asks the angel for clarification, saying, "How will this be since I am a virgin?" (v. 34) The way that Mary phrases her question is really interesting to me. She doesn't necessarily ask for confirmation of the angel's news, she doesn't want to know if this is something that is happening. Instead, she asks for him to clarify how it's going to happen. How will the pregnancy happen? How will the plan unfold? The way that she asks makes me think that she believes this news, she just needs him to explain that plan. 

Gabriel explains what will happen to Mary, exactly how she will become pregnant. As a final word of encouragement, he tells her that nothing is impossible with God (v. 36-37). Mary's response? Behold, I am a servant of the Lord. Let it be to me according to your word (v. 38). 

I keep thinking about how brave and truly humble Mary was in answering God's call on her life. She responds with such trust to her heavenly Father and what He has so carefully planned for her life. God's call for Mary is something so great, so amazing, and something she did not have planned for her life. She responds courageously and openly, willing to open herself to the unknown. The angel comes and delivers this amazing news that changes the course of her life, and she responds with trust, knowing that the road of the unknown that she's about to start walking down is possible with God. She responds with unwavering faith, saying that she is the Lord's servant, desiring to follow His will for her life. 

As I look at my own life in the coming months, the unknowns of living and working and ministry and relationships, I am given a great sense of peace and comfort by this passage. God's plan is great, so much greater than mine, and He will reveal it to me in His timing. I want to use the weeks of winter break to quietly and silently sit at the feet of Jesus, listening for His path and His will. I want to know and believe that although the road ahead is unknown and seems impossible to travel, my traveling down it is not impossible with God. Advent is all about anticipation, and I want to anticipate the unknown with ears and eyes and arms open. I want to step into the unknown with the same bravery, faith, and trust that Mary does.