satisfy.

I feel the need to be honest with you. The past day and a half have been full of fear, a lot of worry, questions, and attacking anxiety over the unknown and the next chapter of my life.

I want to be honest and clear on this blog that I believe life to a beautiful mess. I don't know how often or how well I convey that to you. Sometimes I think what I write is too Pollyanna; neatly wrapped into presents and sprinkled with positivity. Being completely honest, there are so many moments in this season where it's hard to grip positivity. Some days, it's much easier to hold onto fear, worry, and anxiety.

Anxiety about a growing to-do list and decreasing time to actually do (I'm sure you can all relate to that). Worry about how I can possibly combine all of my passions in the next season. How will my passion for Young Life intertwine with my passions to teach special education and serve students in urban settings? Is there a way to make all three work together? Fear is crippling my mind into thinking that I won't get a job, doors won't open, and I'll somehow end up in a place that prevents me from becoming and moving and growing. Some days, it's so disheartening to have no clue how the next stretch of time will unfold. I can sit here tonight and envision a myriad of different scenarios with no idea where and how and when to approach which one. When will doors start opening? When will way make? When will I feel like I am making progress, moving forward?

Last night, I was thinking through all of these things; feeding fear and anxiety and worry. This song came on my iPod while I was at the gym. The prayer coming out of this song is so simple, yet poignant. Satisfy. Satisfy me Lord.

I looked up the definition of the word satisfy. A quick Google search tells me that satisfy means to meet expectations, needs, or desires. Yes, satisfy me Lord. Wherever the next chunk goes, satisfy me Lord. Wherever I end up, satisfy me Lord. Wherever this path goes, satisfy me Lord. May I - you, we - find satisfaction in His plan which is so much greater than ours. May we find satisfaction in His timing, which rarely aligns with our timing. May we be satisfied by His promises that there is something great to come. May we be satisfied in His faithfulness through all of our days.

Amen? Amen. This teacher is off to bed!