ankle deep.

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep

I feel the waves crashing on my feet

It's like I know where I need to be

But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe

When your tide rushes over me

There's only one way to figure out

Will you let me drown, will you let me drown?"

Right now, I am ankle deep. Ankle deep in experience. Ankle deep in emotion. Ankle deep in unknown territory. Ankle deep in change, in movement. Ankle deep in uncertainty, in excitement, in the joy and hopefulness of a new season. In some ways, I feel completely submerged, all in and just about pushed to my limit. And in other ways, I can recognize that I'm just getting started. That this experience, this chapter, this season or chunk or forthcoming or change ... is just barely beginning. I am only skimming the surface, and I have no idea how much air to hold in when the waves really begin crashing and the newness and change start to envelop me like the current of the ocean. 

In the very little that I know about life, I know that God is faithful. I know that change is hard and change is good. I know that if I want honest transformation and genuine becoming, hard and uncomfortable are a part of the deal. I know that if I want to live a deeper story, I have to live a deeper story. I have to live hard, live uncomfortable, live unknowns. I don't get to live a deeper story by walking through a life without emotions or extremes.

I want to choose movement. I want to choose change. I want to choose uncomfortable. I want to choose these things, and I want to live them. Really, really live them. And right now, I think it would be so much easier to give up, to let the ocean win by tossing me around and spitting me out. Quite frankly, it would be easier to run away from the ocean altogether. But as a person who wants to grow and become, I want to lay myself wide open to the possibility of this season. I want to take a deep breath and go for it. No clue how much air to breathe, how long I'll be under water, or what the waves will feel like. 

"Unclench your fists. Unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you." - Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet 

Go down to my playlist, press pause, and listen. You'll want to. I promise.