It's a simple phrase, really. Easy to understand at a basic level. To me, it makes sense relationally; giving and pouring into people without taking much in return. I read or heard somewhere that in every relationship, there's a giver and a taker. A person who gives more into the relationship and a person who takes more away from it. At the core of my being, I want to be a giver and not a taker.
That's why I wrote about it so much this summer. I was in new places with new people and desperately desiring to be made into a person who gives and doesn't take. There are so many complexities and tangents and questions with that way of thinking.
Can you give independently of taking? Are they mutually exclusive? Is it possible to have a relationship where you're only giving and never taking? Isn't that life-sucking and probably seriously unhealthy for your well-being? Can you take and never give? Can you recognize it? Isn't is selfish? Do giving and taking occur congruently, even if we're not conscious of it? Do we all give and take in all of our relationships, but maybe we're only aware of the giving or the taking, even thought both are happening? Is it healthy to have one without the other? Where does giving end and taking begin? Do giving and taking need to happen within the same relationship? Can you give into some people but take from others, letting those people take yet again from others - like a domino effect?
I've been thinking a lot the past few days about giving and taking; about relationships and friendships and how people are messy and there's no how-to guide for doing life together. There's no step-by-step, one-size-fits-all, this-is-what-it's-like-to-love-people guide. Wouldn't it be nice if there were? I continue to come back to the truth that there are as many ways to do life - to be and do and think - as there are people in the world. No two people or relationships function the same, so giving and taking is different for every relationship, every friendship, every interaction, and every person.
The only thing I know to be true is that in order for me to give in any capacity, I need to take from somewhere. If I want to pour into the people in my life, I need to be poured into. I fully recognize that above anything else, that fulfillment comes from Christ. My groundedness and centeredness and ability to care for and love the people in my life comes from a God who is much bigger and much stronger and much more able than I. Certainly by my own strength, I cannot give. On my own, I am a taker. Through and through, I am a taker. I can think of numerous friendships, both in the past and present, where it seems like the only thing I do is take.
But, I am starting to see and think that maybe my desire to be a giver isn't the best thing, either. Giving and giving and giving and never taking or never being poured into isn't healthy. Certainly, my ability and strength to give comes from connectedness with God. In order to pour out, I need to have something in me to give. But isn't it healthy to have friendships that are life giving? That build you up? Not only healthy I'd say, but also necessary. Essential. That's what community is.
There's definitely a tension to giving and taking in relationships. Who is giving and taking and how much they are giving and taking - all things that I don't believe are static, but are very, very fluid. And I don't have it figured out by any means. I'm still very much figuring out how to live in the tension of give & take, doing what I can to find a healthy amount of each.
What are your thoughts about giving and taking? Are there friendships where you're only giving? Or only taking? Is either option healthy? What are you doing to create space in your life to give? What are you doing to create space to take?
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